On my journey to renewal my practice of Yoga is not what it was up to last year. So many things have changed in a very short period of time, my head feels like it spins. I read of other widows and widowers feeling the same thing at the outset. Does it ever settle down? Others say it does, with time.
Without conscious effort, I realize that I no longer eat the foods I ate in my life Before. My fashion sense has changed. My home office has relocated upstairs. My dining room, formerly Tab’s office, will return to some form of a dining room, but not a traditional dining room by any means. Traditional is just not who we were. My priorities have shifted. I no longer care about high paying jobs and the career I worked for in the past. I’m happy with less. As happy as I can be at this point in time, less is enough. There is a lot I just don’t give a shit about anymore and I’m not afraid to say so.
Yet there is one thing I do care about with a fierce sense and that is paying it forward. I pray more than I ever have Before. I am aware that I am blessed with angels, those of the next world and the present world. A short time before my husband’s passing, I had a dream in which I was a child visiting my paternal great-grandfather’s house, as we often did while he was alive. It was the first dream I’ve ever had about him and it stays with me. He was a jolly soul, always laughing, smiling, arms out stretched for me. He had a black dog named Andrew who was a cocker spaniel.
My great-grandfather lived in a big old house of character. The house was a bit scary to me. What I saw in my dream, however, was the large wood banister on the curvy staircase. I would know it anywhere, and I don’t know why. Well, there he was sitting in his chair as I hung back by the banister for whatever reason. His arms were out for me and his smile and laugh echoed all around me in the dream. I saw his dog sleeping at his feet, like always. I felt reassured in this dream. I felt like he was telling me that everything would be alright in due time. Like I said, the memory of this dream I had while sleeping one night in August or September stays with me. And I try like heck to hang on to it.
Since this dream, and all that has occurred since then, I am more aware of kindness and how great it is to be kind. You never know how a single act of kindness will ripple through the life you touch. I know I am grateful for every conscious act of kindness directed to me. To honor those acts, and to honor my late husband, who had a heart of gold, I strive to be a resource for others, an essential instrument in the orchestra of other lives. I have a lot to give back and pay forward in the new chapter of my life; Starting Over.
My point here is to underscore the need to make space for random kindness. In Yoga speak, heart openers and sun salutations are a must for such a commitment. Practice makes it happen.
Thank you for reading. May blessings abound in your life.